The Education of Mark Shea
He early learned to grunt some holy grunts.
Today he’s hailed as wise apologist.
Though it was always clear that he’s a dunce,
He early learned to grunt some holy grunts.
He only had to wave his Bible once
And on his own damned righteousness insist.
He early learned to grunt some holy grunts.
Today he’s hailed as wise apologist.
–Tom Riley
Sprinter’s Speed
“The classic monsters bore me!” he declared.
“Vampires and werewolves, Frankenstein…. Who’s scared?”
They leapt that very moment from the screen.
Such sprinter’s speed is very rarely seen.
–Tom Riley
Sighting at Sea
That ain’t no whale. That ain’t no octopod.
Dude: it’s Cthulhu, rising as predicted—
So why are you surprised? The odor’s odd.
That ain’t no whale! That ain’t no octopod!
Nope. It’s the long-expected nether god.
The human race will shortly be evicted.
That ain’t no whale. That ain’t no octopod.
Dude, it’s Cthulhu – rising as predicted!
–Tom Riley
The Latest Book
Book by Woodward
is just another tree in
a futile forest.
–Tom Riley
Inner Life of the Frankenstein Monster
The voices of
my many parts cry out
for some creator.
–Tom Riley
NPR Attitude
Here we are
being thoughtful. Hey, it sure
beats actually thinking!
–Tom Riley
Halloween Masks
Are we ready for virtual treats
And for virtual tricks? The heart greets
(I would just like to say)
Such vague scares with dismay.
They’re another of this year’s defeats.
–Tom Riley
Completely Reparated
Does Kamala owe
Slaveholder reparations? No
Longer: we rule such claims supremely silly.
She paid all debts by sucking Willie’s willy.
–Tom Riley
Creepy Joe and the Panic Principle
“Trump refused to cause panic!” cries Joe.
“I would never have handled things so!
To me, panic is fun.
Once my briefing was done,
I’d have howled: Chance for panic? Let’s go!”
–Tom Riley
Why Ask Why?
Why does Mark Shea prefer his cuties young?
Why does he get excited when his skull
Fills up with little girls who – wonderful!—
Behave like skinny strippers? There among
Such images, he trembles – and his tongue,
Like Jabba’s tongue, extends as if to pull
A slender victim in, if possible.
Why does he hum this song that can’t be sung?
Might as well wonder why his buddy Steve
Greydanus feels within a deep demand
For films where man screws boy. What mind can heave
Such burdens up? What dramatist has planned
These complications no one would believe?
Sometimes it’s better not to understand.
–Tom Riley
